I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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