Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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