i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
