Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
