Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
