I'm going to rape someone's good day.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
