so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
