Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
