just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
