Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
