hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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