I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
