Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize