I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize