Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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