I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
