At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
