I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
