I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
