The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
