pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
