Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
