You can't motorboat a personality
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize