I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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