Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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