Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
