i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
