On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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