lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
