That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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