Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
