If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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