Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
