dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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