Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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