I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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