There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I will be naked everywhere
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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