Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
