look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
