I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
