i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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