I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
