it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
