Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
