Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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