i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
