He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's blow job season.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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