Will you blow on my dice?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Boobs are out for the taking
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
