Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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