yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
