i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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