maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
