I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
