let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
