two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
