Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
