today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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