Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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