I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
