in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
