sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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