Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
