Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize