i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
