"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
