His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize