I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Randomize
