I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize