tell your sister to shave her snatch
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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