you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
