She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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