I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
