Kiss
Puke
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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