so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
