she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
