Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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